quick "poem", I guess...
This is just something I came up with when I was bored... It only took about five minutes.
BTW I'm not very confident with my writing so if you're gonna say something rude, just don't bother... And if people like it, I may put up more... Maybe.
(I was thinking of things that made me angry. It's not written the way I normally write though)
Enraging
My miond starts blazing
I'm going crazy
But maybe, just maybe
They'll meet me
Someone to free me
I feel like I'm bleeding
Careening
About to blow my top
Just about to drop,
The hatred
Exploding
Slowly eroding
My soul
To my bones,
I'm so alone
It's like a cult
Blades of insults
From these damned adults
Like an assault
It's not my fault
I try to redeem
my self esteem
But I choke
Trying hard to evoke
Less feelings of sin
There's no way I can win
Are they truly my kin?
Tis a sin to say such things
In the back of my mind it rings
Now I feel
It's not real
No, not real; but fake
Another thing you can make,
Fabricate,
But it's too late
I start to shake,
The glass breaks
Into shards
And I realize
From my eyes
That just livng is hard...
BTW I'm not very confident with my writing so if you're gonna say something rude, just don't bother... And if people like it, I may put up more... Maybe.
(I was thinking of things that made me angry. It's not written the way I normally write though)
Enraging
My miond starts blazing
I'm going crazy
But maybe, just maybe
They'll meet me
Someone to free me
I feel like I'm bleeding
Careening
About to blow my top
Just about to drop,
The hatred
Exploding
Slowly eroding
My soul
To my bones,
I'm so alone
It's like a cult
Blades of insults
From these damned adults
Like an assault
It's not my fault
I try to redeem
my self esteem
But I choke
Trying hard to evoke
Less feelings of sin
There's no way I can win
Are they truly my kin?
Tis a sin to say such things
In the back of my mind it rings
Now I feel
It's not real
No, not real; but fake
Another thing you can make,
Fabricate,
But it's too late
I start to shake,
The glass breaks
Into shards
And I realize
From my eyes
That just livng is hard...
Total Comments 9
Comments
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Hm... it's good, but I think you over did the rhyming and should separate this into stanzas. OVerall, still good.
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Yeah, its the first time I actually rhyme in a poem... And I don't usually do it in stanzas. I guess I'll try some day...
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I like it. And it's cool how it rhymes--I can't ever rhyme in my poems, lol.
I don't think you really need any stanzas, unless there's a change in emotion somewhere in there. Great job though, I think you should post up more. |
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That was really good, I definitely enjoyed it =D.
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Thats amazing...
Keep writing friend! |
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Great poem... I admire it much. ^_^ You should continue to write more.
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I like it as well. you should go to my blog and read the poems I wrote, people seem to like them, but they are depressing...so... yea lol, but I would love to know what you thought of them.
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I'm speachless, Boss! I'm nyot used 2 C'n sumtin' liek dis on a site such as NP...wow, U blew meh away.
I like how U can put your thoughts and feelings on paper like that! I'm not a poet(aw, HELL nah, Boss), but I never had a problem with logic and thought being translated into the english written language. Wow, I'm VERY impressed! DAT'S MAH BOSS, DUDES! He's soo awesome!  |
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Sweet, dude. Fckin loved it. If I could rate this, 10/10 man.
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